I haven't had much time to blog recently, mainly because I'm currently on a teaching placement. I do a teacher training course at university - primary education. So I'm fairly busy.
I don't have much long left, but I'm struggling to cope. All the observations make me feel quite negative and I don't feel that I'm going to be a good teacher because of it. I had an observation today with a member of staff from university who observed, I thought the lesson went appalling but they didn't see it to be as bad as me. It got to the question of 'what do you think you did that makes you a good teacher?' - I couldn't answer the question. I told them I'm quite a negative person and I cannot see anything good in anything I do, which led to a dreaded conversation on self-esteem. I have quite low self-esteem, especially in work, I feel I need a pick-me-up or for someone to say 'that was really good' to make me feel like I'm doing something right.
I compare myself to other people, which is the worst thing you can do as a person. I look at other people and I wish I could just somehow be as naturally good as they are, or make it seem so effortless. I wish I had parents, or family members who were in teaching, as many of my friends' parents are - which makes it easier for them with support (in my opinion).
I just want to be at home. I have so much to do and I have so little time to do it in. I have no idea how I am supposed to do this. I have become the most disorganised person since I starting this teaching placement. In fact, I wish I had so much more time to go through.